the film mafia

Old Yeller

2006-07-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

Unconditional love. You can only get it in one place. Not from your spouse, mother, dad, grandparent, imaginary or 3-D friends. The only creature that offers that service is a dog. There are cool cats, nice goldfish, slimy snakes but none of them offer what Boris brought to our family.

For my wife, Boris was her best friend before I came along over 12 years ago. He soon became my buddy as well and we've lived happily together for about 10 years. Boris has a terrible case of hip displaysa, and has for years. We've spent as much money as possible to make him comfortable in his golden years. He's repaid us tenfold with love, protection, and a sweet disposition.

It's time for Boris to go to doggie heaven and I can't help feeling so fucking selfish about this. He's in pain and can't do much but I still want to be able to get up and give me his medicine each morning. To see him come limping around the corner for dinner should not be sentimental but it is. It's definitely his time but that doesn't help.

To my wife I'm so sorry for your loss. You were the best, most caring pet owner I've ever seen. It's a motherfucker that dogs and humans have different life spans. Just know that you gave "Bean" the best life a dog could ask for. I've commonly said that if I was reincarnated as a dog, I'd want Boris' life.

Thanks Bean Doggle. You are loved, you are missed, you will be remembered.

Baby steps

2006-07-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

My friends always told me having a baby would change my life. They were right but I couldn't be happier to have my life changed. I have managed to see a chunk of movies now that we are homebound more often. Here are 4 of my recent faves:

Grizzly Man-Bizarre documentary of bear activist Timothy Treadwell who eventually was eaten by his furry friends. Werner Herzog directs and his narration at times is a little corny but serviceable. The Treadwell-shot footage is an interesting look into the mind of the wannabe actor. See it.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang-This movie admittedly tries too hard to fit the Tarantino mold but is pretty good nevertheless. Robert Downey is very good and Val Kilmer is a little less stiff than usual.

Stay-I loved this movie. It ends and you know nothing. Similar to the end of Usual Suspects but in this movie you have no facts. You are forced to relive the movie in your mind to arrive at conclusions.

Enron/The Smartest Guys in the Room-Can this really happen? Tremendous documentary that shows what true scumbags Lay and Skilling really are, in Lay's case "was". Lay, another Bush butt buddy, got off easy. Gotta love that "Mark to Market" bookkeeping.

Friends and the F-word

2006-04-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

For fans that are attracted to Jennifer Aniston I have to imagine that it was worth the price of admission to see "Derailed", if only just to hear her say "..I want you to "F" me" on film. For the rest of us it wasn't quite that thrilling.

Here's another movie where you can almost hear the pitch that got this movie made. A married man (Clive Owen) meets an attractive sophisticated woman on a train (Aniston), they both have disconnected marriages and a daughter, they meet again for a drink, they wind up in a hotel, they get started on their affair, a thief breaks in, he pistol whips the family man and rapes the attractive sophisticated woman. The rapist/burglar then blackmails the family man for $120,000 (in 3 installments). Sounds like a great idea but there are several flaws including the lead character having the investigative instincts of the Three Stooges.

Number one, why does the thief never blackmail the woman? Clive Owen's character should've realized that from the start. According to her speech on the train she was far more successful than he and had just as much to lose (her daughter). He never questions her even though he's known her for such a short time. You'd think he'd be a tad more paranoid. He felt guilty for not protecting her against the rapist but anyone with a brain would start asking questions. Also, no father on earth would use money saved for his daughters health care (his daughter would die without it) to bury a case of infidelity.

Lastly, these con artists are dumb. How dumb are they? Once they con the lead out of 120K, they get to work on the next victim...in the same town and use the same hotel. Huh?

As my wife said, "any movie I (she) can figure out in the first 10 minutes must suck". In the end Jenifer Aniston did "F me"....out of the 4.00 rental fee.

KING LONG

2006-04-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

Uh oh, Peter Jackson is on a winning streak. This means he has free reign to make overblown blockbusters as he sees fit. Don't get me wrong, King Kong is totally eye-candy. In addition he actually tries to tell a story, as evidenced by the fact the Mr. Kong doesn't appear until you are over an hour into the film. I also realized it tough making a (long) film where everyone knows the ending. Nevertheless King Kong was probably not in need of a makeover.

I sincerely think Peter Jackson must print everything he films. At least it seems that way. Action scenes are exhaustingly long and he gets into Lucas' prequel filmmaking masturbation territory at times. There are scenes, like the dinosaur stampede, that are truly eye-rolling moments. The film could've easily been cut to an 1:45 and you would not have missed a thing. I think if Peter Jackson were hired to film a Twilight Zone short he'd turn it into a mini-series somehow.

I'm not expecting Peter Jackson to go back and make Bad Taste II but here's to him returning to a simpler time before unlimited budgets and overblown productions.

Much Ado About Something

2006-04-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

Aside from homophobes, I guess I was the last one to see Ang Lee's "Brokeback Mountain". With a home theater and DVDs selling for cheaper than two movie tickets, I lose inspiration to brave the seat kicking, cell phone ringing, adolescent chit chat that often accompanies the multiplex experience. Unfortunately for movies like Brokeback Mountain I have been listening to hype (and criticism) for months on end. By the time I shove that shiny piece of plastic into my DVD player I have a ton of preconceived notions about what I am about to see.

Even without seeing the movie I was surprised as anyone that after Ang Lee won Best Director the film didn't take home the big prize. I have to admit that most of the directing appeared to be filming in beautiful natural surroundings. In my opinion, the only real bold film making was the up close and in your face filming of the sensual moments. Aside from those unflinching moments it was pretty standard western stuff (like Lee's "Ride With The Devil").

For as long as I can remember I've always had gay friends. Because of that I've always been a supporter of gay rights including god forbid the right to be married. I've never understood the persecution of gay people. Name the top 10 ills of society and show me what gay people have to do with them. If I hear another religious zealot use the phrase "sanctity of marriage" I will go postal. Sanctity? What's the divorce rate in this country? Gay marriage couldn't possibly do any worse than hetero marriages. Gay people are not out to recruit your sons and daughters. They are simply trying to lead a normal human being life. If you let them get married they won't be humping in the streets or cruising junior high schools looking for tail.

So after that diatribe I must have loved the movie, right? After watching the film and rolling it around in my head I've decided it's probably more of an important film than a great film. It's another step to get this issue out in the open and increase dialogue. Anything that puts a crack in the homosexual stereotype has to be a good thing. Heath Ledger's performance is great and was probably Oscar worthy. Jake Gyllenhaal performance was brave but rarely brilliant. The main complaint I hear about this film is that adultery is wrong no matter the circumstances. That opinion is missing the point. These guys wanted to be together but society wouldn't allow it. They were in love before they ever got married. They were forced to keep their love hidden and out of society's watchful eye. In essence society is to blame for their adultery. I'm sure there are thousands of men today in heterosexual relationships who are truly gay. My main complaint was that Jack Twist's (Jake Gyllenhaal) death was extremely anti-climatic. I realize the story is more of Ennis' journey than Jack's but it was a wasted emotional moment. To be honest I cheered more for the relationship in Crying Game than Brokeback Mountain. I just hope that this movie's message is what endures rather than the film itself.

No History Of Love

2006-03-24T07:16:00.000-08:00

I really wanted to love this movie for some reason. I'm not a big Cronenberg fan. I guess I liked The Fly and Videodrome but those were 20 years ago. Oh and I liked that head explosion scene in Scanners. I recently watched Videodrome and wow...is that flick dated or what? He did direct Crash. Oh shit, not that "Crash". I'm not a huge fan of the Viggo yet I thought he'd be great in this movie. I enjoyed the Rings' movies for what they were. Maybe because someone told me once that he was married to Exene Cervenka years ago. It must be that punk rock cred that endears me. I have to admit that I do like Maria Bello although she was in a much better film called The Cooler in 2003.

The idea for this movie is a good one. A small town coffee shop owner becomes a hero after foiling a robbery/murder at his establishment. He then receives national press coverage and is spotted by folks from his "previous" life. Turns out Tom is really Joey from Philly who left the mob for the simple life. The problem is the characters from his previous life are goofy as hell. It's almost comical. William Hurt's performance as Joey's brother is so over the top and stupid it's embarrassing. Ed Harris is Ed Harris, who's a little more of a gentleman than you'd expect from someone who received the barbed wire to the face treatment. On the plus side Viggo and Maria Bello are good in this flick. Bello is actually great in this film. I thought the movie was going to be darker but you could almost picture Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson starring and Ron Howard directing this movie. It's far from terrible and entertaining in parts, but well below my unwarranted expectations.

For you Cronenberg fans, don't worry he still likes filming the nookie. Viggo and Maria have two, almost uncomfortably long, love scenes. Maybe he missed his calling. He should just do porno and leave the storytelling to someone else.

You wanted the best, you got the best

2006-03-13T16:39:00.000-08:00

The "best" movies of all-time...what the hell does that mean? Whenever you read these lists you tend to see movies that are supposed to be there; Citizen Kane, Gone With The Wind, etc. I've decided to list the movies, not only great in my opinion, but flicks I can watch over and over and over again. After all that's the best test of a film, right? When art and entertainment collide is when you get pictures like these:

1. Godfather II-Pacino AND DeNiro at the absolute pinnacle of their talents. About as flawless as movies come. I'm a bit like Cartman from South Park when he hears "Sail Away" by Styx when it comes to the Godfather films (sans III). If they are on TV I have to watch until the end.

2. Godfather-I wanted to name my son Brando which might explain how I feel about Marlon, pre-Orca waistline of course (..the horror). The baptism scenes spliced with Michael Corleone's baptism as the new Godfather is absolute filmmaking genius. Always remember: "Leave the gun, take the cannoli."

3. Glengarry Glen Ross-Probably the greatest display of ensemble acting ever put to film. Alec Baldwin should've won an Oscar for his mere 8 minutes of screen time. I personally think this was Jack Lemmon's greatest achievement in film. You know this is a great film when Kevin Spacey turns in the weakest acting performance.

4. Goodfellas-Wow! Scorsese's re-invents, and saves, the mob movie when the bar was set ridiculously high by Coppola and then destroyed by Godfather III (in the same year). Who knew Ray Liotta had that performance in him? This movie's greatness lingered so long it even convinced people that Casino was a great movie.

5. The Big Sleep (1946)-Most folks will say Casablanca, Key Largo or the Maltese Falcon were Bogie's best moments but this is by far my favorite. The plot is complex, the humor is classic, and Lauren Bacall invented sex appeal.

6. The Killers (1946)-Watch this movie and you'll understand why Ava Garnder was the one woman who drove Sinatra crazy. One of the best film noirs of all-time. I've never understood why this film isn't more popular or at least more revered.

7. Annie Hall-This was the first Woody Allen flick I ever saw and I've been waiting ever since for him to approach this classic. The line to Christopher Walken about being "due back on the planet Earth" is classic Allen genius.

8. Shawshank Redemption-I didn't cry this much since I watched Old Yeller as a kid. Morgan Freeman became one of my all with all-time favorites with this performance.

9. Vertigo-The best of Alfred Hitchcock. This film is a total mindf*ck and goes well beyond his usual "everyman in a F'd up situation". Kim Novak is genius and creepy as hell in this flick.

10. The Shining-The one movie I still won't watch by myself at nighttime. Unlike most horror flicks this seems all too possible. A guy with writer's block goes nuts and tries hack his family to death. The sound of the pseudo-Big Wheel going from carpet to hardflooring still gives me the creeps.

11. Malena-A coming of age flick that suddenly turns into a brutal piece of social commentary. Monica Bellucci is perfectly cast as the emotionless Barbie doll who turns young boys into men and her town into Salem. The best Tornatore film to date.

12. Lost In America-Albert Brooks makes the second best Woody Allen movie of all time. I'm a huge fan of all Brooks' pictures but this one is pretty much perfect. The "nest egg" speech at the Hoover Dam is worth the price of the DVD.

13. L.A. Confidential-Great throwback flick that made Russell Crowe a star.

14. What's Up Doc?-This movie reinvigorated the screwball comedy genre. Very funny, very stupid, but very funny. It's interesting to see Babs before she became an extraordinary pompous ass.

15. Usual Suspects-At the end of the film you realize you know nothing. There are dead dudes in the harbor, no drugs, a burned survivor and a whale of a story by Verbal Kint. This movie is so great Stephen Baldwin couldn't even fuck it up. Think about it.

Honorable mention: Pulp Fiction, Arthur, Swingers, Memento, Frailty, The Decline of Western Civilization, 21 Grams, The Machinist, Dead Man Walking, Star Wars, On the Waterfront, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

2 (Dumb) Monkeys AKA The Brothers Grimm

2006-01-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

Wow, I never thought Terry Gilliam could crank out a stinker like The Brothers Grimm. He hadn't directed since 1998's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and this is the crap we get after a seven year wait? As expected the film is visually stimulating, kind of like a ball of yarn to a cat. However once the ball is unwound there is nothing there. Matt Damon, along with his Anthony Robbins teeth, and Heath Ledger's characters seem lifted directly from Oldman/Roth's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. The movie begins with the Grimm Brothers staging fake ghostly exorcisms for profit and then are forced to exorcise the real thing in Monica Bellucci. I liked this plot when it was called The Three Amigos.

When I first heard Gilliam was going to tackle the Grimm fairy tales it sounded like a home run. How could it not be? I also liked writer Ehren Kruger's "Skeleton Key" but this combo didn't work at all. The worst part is that the ending has the cheesy "there might be a sequel" shot that leads me to believe the filmmakers had no idea of the slice of shit they were serving up.

March of the Fathers

2005-12-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

Something weird happens to you on the way to the OBGYN. You look at things in a different light. You still hate all the same idiots you hated and love all the food you loved but something changes. It's subtle and overwhelming at the same time. The rush of responsibility actually feels good. I've always felt I could be counted on for support, protection or a friendly ear. I can be loving, mean, affectionate, outgoing and disciplined in one afternoon. Perfect parental material. Then I see a movie like "March of the Penguins" by Luc Jacquet.

First of all, I have to say that I'd listen to Morgan Freeman read George Bush speeches. That's how much I love his voice. The journey of the father penguins could not have been more appropriately narrated by anyone else. There is something warm, sincere, and grandfatherly about Morgan Freeman. He lulls you into his warmth. His narration in Shawshank Redemption is one of the many reasons that film is on my top 10 list of all time.

As an expectant father these penguins put me (and us) to shame. If male humans had to go through what these penguins go through to breed we'd all be gay. Barbara Streisand would be voted President and Judy Garland would replace the Virgin Mary. Hell, if men had to go through what woman endure during pregnancy we'd all suddenly become fabulous.

I spent most of the film wandering "how in the hell do they know to do that?". It's an amazing instinct. I think I'll be OK at changing diapers (once someone shows me how to do it) and I think I'll leave the breast feeding to my wife, but I'll stick with what I know. I'll kill all the spiders, run to Home Depot, make sauce once a month, clean up the dog poo, and love the little creature that is going to waddle into our lives.

Guilty as charged

2005-12-03T07:42:00.000-08:00

My good friend recently went blogging through his musical guilty pleasures so I figured it was my time to own up to my dirty little film secrets. I have to say that these movies are not nearly as embarassing as some of the things you might find on my iPod. I'm not sure there is a movie equivalent of Rick Springfield's "Love Somebody", White Lion's "Wait" or Donna Summer's "Last Dance". Hey they all can't be Wilco b-sides or Godfather II, right?

Here are a few in all their glory:

HEXED (1993)-Actually a very funny movie that reminded me a bit of "After Hours". A guy that is simply trying to get laid gets himself into all kinds of ridiculous trouble. The films most famous star is probably Norman Fell, which should give you all you need to know about its b-movie status. Any black comedy about murder that features a drinking and porno watching priest with a black eye is A-OK in my book. Y? Y? Y? Did they actually put this on DVD this year? The five of us that actually bought it really appreciated it.

WITCHBOARD (1986)-Before Tawny Kitaen was gracing the hood of David Coverdale's car she starred in this horrendously cheesy horror flick. Funny story, I actually bumped into Tawny at a record store in 1996 or so. Once I realized it was her I approached with the usual dopey "Aren't you Tawny Kitaen?". Of all the things I could've noticed her from, Whitesnake videos, the movie Bachelor Party, or America's Funniest People, I of course said "I loved Witchboard!". She gave me the odd "oh, that" look and said "thanks". The film is about Tawny becoming possessed by an axe murderer while using a Ouija board. No relation to when she actually dated a knife murderer....I mean, an eventual knife murderer.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE II (1986)-The original was pretty damn creepy but the sequel is hilarious. "Bubba's got a girlfriend" will stick in your head like a bad commerical jingle. Dennis Hopper was sooooooo high during the filming of the movie. Lot's of blood and guts but just as many laughs.

EVIL DEAD II (1987)-Like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, the sequel to the original took a much more silly and funny turn. The possessed hand scene which ends with Ash cutting his hand off and stating "who's laughing now?" is priceless. This is probably the funniest horror film in the history of.....well, funny horror movies.

THE LONGSHOT (1986)-OK, unless you've ever had the pleasure of having an addiction to betting on horses this film might not be for you. Then again, if you find Tim Conway and Harvey Korman irresistable maybe it is. It's actually a very funny movie with a very bad 10 minute lull where a drunk Tim Conway is trying to fix a toilet. Hard to believe this wasn't nominated for anything, eh?

FROM THE HIP (1987)-From the director who brought you "Porky's II" and "The Karate Dog" (along with "Porky's" and "A Christmas Story" to be fair) comes this courtroom comedy featuring the comic stylings of Judd Nelson. I remember working in a record/video store when this came out and when we'd play it on the monitors it would always get rented. It usually wouldn't make it 30 minutes before we had to pull it out of the machine. It breaks down like this, scenes in the courtroom are pretty damn funny and anything outside the courtroom is full of bad acting and stupid dialogue. Elizabeth Perkins might have turned in the worst acting performance pre-Keanu Reeves. On the plus side, the movie stars Porky's legend Pee-wee and he's still bitching about not getting laid.

HERO AT LARGE (1980)-I must've watched this movie on a rainy sentimental day because that's the feeling I get everytime I watch it. It stars John Ritter as an actor thrust into a real life superhero role. The costume is dumb, as is the premise, but nevertheless I'm a sucker for this film. I feel shame.

SUMMER SCHOOL (1987)-Mark Harmon, strike one.....Kirstie Alley, strike two.....but for some reason this film makes me laugh, over and over again. The best part of this teeny bopper flick are the two friends Chainsaw and Dave. They have several funny scenes and they steal the movie. There is just no justifying this one. I feel more shame.

Gettin' my learn on with Patty Hearst

2005-11-29T07:18:00.000-08:00

For some reason I've been on a documentary kick of late. Call it the lack of exciting new films to watch or just wanting to learn about shit I ignored as an unenlightened youth. I pick topics I know the basics about but don't know the full story. In some cases like "Waco: The Rules of Engagement" you get a whole different side of the government's story, which is always a treat.

In "Guerilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst", the director takes essentially a straight forward historical look at the events. Using archival clips and audio messages from Patty Hearst the story is essentially told by those who lived it. In a nutshell, the Symbionese Liberation Army (S.L.A.) , a group of radical political revolutionaries, kidnaps the daughter of Randolph Hearst in a Robin Hood-type extortion/ransom plot. They demand millions of dollars in food to the poor which is attempted with Katrina-like precision by the "man". Over time Patty's voice messages to her parents (and the public) become less of the hostage nature and take on a member/militant tone. Ok Ok you know the story. The main question becomes "is she or was she full of shit?". She is kidnapped, apparently locked in a closet, smokes some really good pot, starts humping one of the leaders, assists in a bank robbery, sends several "FU" messages to her folks, finally is arrested and VOILA she was brainwashed, tortured, a victim of mind control and happy to be back in her multi-million dollar skin. C'mon. I know we live in the prozac nation but please. This was about as convincing as Catherine Zeta Jones turning from tennis-club/pinky in the air drinking tea-wife to a drug dealing Don Corleone in "Traffic".

In the end, the S.L.A. members are either dead or in jail.....except for Patty. The Hearst's money (and to a degree fame) kept her from doing any real time. Sound familiar? President Carter aided in limiting her jail time and President Clinton gave her a full pardon. Why? Had that been you or I, we'd still be gingerly reaching for the soap in prison. It's funny that an organization like the S.L.A. who kidnap/recruited one of the wealthiest heiress in the US would eat shit into obscurity and make Patty Hearst famous (and not for the martyr they preferred). Patty Hearst is a relative household name whereas 95 out of 100 people couldn't tell you what S.L.A.'s initials stand for. I think Patty probably was romanced by the group because she knew she could always fall back on her daddy's dime. She went on a reckless youth binge at no cost. She had nothing to lose. If you had her parents you'd probably go ape shit too. However, when it came time to pay the piper for S.L.A.'s sins she got chickenshit. I guess her principals ended where the prison gates started.

C'mon baby, let's do the Twist

2005-11-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

The Skeleton Key had all the elements for me to hate it. The inevitable/obligatory "twist" ending and a cast headed by Goldie's daughter. It's funny, sometimes you watch movies wanting to love them and others you almost salivate the opportunity to tear it apart. Ever since "Sixth Sense" the modern thriller has become too clever for its own good. The twist endings usually wind up being dopey and the more you pick them apart the more dopey they get. All you need to do is watch "Gothika" or "Godsend" to prove that. I really miss Carlotta Valdez.

Skeleton Key certainly has its moments of eye-rolling because the skinny-cute-blonde-chick- is running into dark rooms filled with ghost noises, but overall this is one of the best "twisters" I've seen in a few years. The main reason for this post is I have a funny feeling that when 75% of the folks watch this movie they don't rewind far enough in the story. Sure, they were the black "folks"who were stealing bodies for renewal and it was rather clever how they did it. The real disturbing part however, which is probably why I like it, was that the house full of white vigilantes actually beat, hanged and burned........the children. How fucking creepy is that? That was a huge payoff in the storytelling that wasn't served up to the audience like the typical Scooby Doo ending in most thrillers. You know, where they spend two minutes explaining the previous 2 hours. They could've went cheeseball and flashed back to that original scene in the attic and showed the kids with evil eyes or the childlike horror in the murdered couple. The film gets major points for resisting that. I hate when films have to dumb down the ending. One example would be "Vanilla Sky" as opposed to the original (and far superior) "Abre Los Ojos (Open Your Eyes)". I just spent two hours of my life watching this flick, let me figure it out. If I'm too damn stupid to figure it out then I should be watching Tim Allen movies anyway. All in all, well worth the rental, NetFlix queue and quite possibly the under $20 DVD purchase.

Revenge of the Stiff? Was Neo really Luke's father?

2005-11-11T08:56:00.000-08:00

I first saw the original Star Wars film at a drive-in when I was 11 years old. There was about 5 of us kids in the bed of a pick-up truck and I seriously doubt I had any idea of the impact it would have on my impressionable mind. Every kid loved Star Wars. It wasn't a geek thing like Dungeons and Dragons or Star Trek. There was something crack-like about the characters and story. You wanted to see it multiple times, buy the toys, lunch box, halloween costumes, etc. What amazes me most is that Darth Vader was the character I (and obviously others) was most drawn to. As a kid my heroes were Speed Racer, Gigantor, Green Lantern, and Spiderman. After Star Wars, my attraction to "bad guy" characters was born. I see that in my movie tastes today. Why else would I love Frank Booth from Blue Velvet? I will never look at Heineken or Pabst Blue Ribbon the same. Talk about the dark side ("Now it's dark").

Since Darth Vader was so nostalgically a part of my youth I was obviously anticipating the three prequels to see how he became James Earl Jones. Now that all the films on done and on DVD I have to say it's very disappointing. Let's face it, no matter the Lucas apologist, the first two films sucked Jar Jar Binks' brown eye. The acting was horrendous, the story was overly geeky, the characters were weak, and the cartoonish action would make The Matrix III blush. It was total Lucas' filmmaking masturbation. C'mon Georgie, your Yoda action scenes made Neo look like George Burns. I'm not sure you wanted us to laugh at those scenes but that's what we all did. After suffering through the first two prequels I figured the payoff would come in Revenge of the Sith.

Without question everyone who paid to see it, buy it, or rent it did so for the one minute sequence of Anakin donning the black gear. I have to admit I enjoyed that moment. The electro-breathing and James Earl Jones' voice took me back to that pick-up truck in 1977. For that moment I forgave Lucas for all his prequel sins. There is something so great about a moment that takes you back to a simpler time. However the action leading up to that moment was silly and ridiculous. The whole Anakin/Obi-Wan lava ballet is comical. I wanted to love this movie (and the other prequels for that matter) but they fall well short of the franchise's standard. Why?

I think I can sum up what was wrong with all three prequels with two words; Han Solo. That's what was missing. The humor and bullshit bravado that he brought kept the originals from taking themselves too seriously. I think that was Lucas' big problem in these pictures. He took himself way too seriously. He acted like he was making Godfather II. Watch the documentaries on the DVDs, he's quite a pompous ass. Try and picture the originals with a stiff character portrayal of Han like almost every role in the prequels. It's impossible. There is no character in the prequels that resemble anything of Solo's ilk. George tried to establish the comedy element in the Jar Jar Binks ridiculous character. If you watch the documentary of the Phantom Menace DVD you will see that Lucas thought Jar Jar was going to steal the picture. I believe his quote was "kids are going to love this character". Use the force George. Even after Jar Jar was crucified by fans, George stubbornly included him in the next two films. A nice little "fuck you, I'm George Lucas!" to all us fans. Without the Han element he tried to overcompensate with over the top effects and general buffoonery. He should've given these films to another director, plain and simple. Maybe they would've been honest enough to realize the missing link of Han Solo.

Don't you give me any orders, for people like me there is no order

2005-11-09T09:07:00.000-08:00

Wow, has it really been over 25 years since my brain was infected with Punk Rock? Over 25 years since my mother told me to turn that shit down or turn it off? Over 25 years since scaring my elders with bands like the Dead Kennedys, Sex Pistols, Buzzcocks, Damned, Dead Boys, etc? Over 25 years since my mother uttered "I know what you are like when you are on something!" I can almost smell the shoe stores on Melrose where you had to travel to buy Dr. Martens or the stench of Vinyl Fetish record shop. The smell of clove cigarettes are as nostalgic to me as a Gigantor lunch box. For any of you whippersnappers, punk accessories and music weren't available at the mall back then. There was no Hot Topic or neatly packaged punk rock one-stop. Possibly even more unbelievable to you was that punk rock wasn't cool, hip, or sexy. Unlike the "punk" of today (Blink/Green Day/etc) the bands never made any money regardless of their legendary status over 25 years later. Jocks, jarheads, and to a degree Stoners affectionately called punks "fags", "weirdos" or "freaks". It was especially charming stuff coming from guys with sweaters wrapped over their shoulders. Apparently Journey sounded much better in their BMW's tape deck than Black Flag.

The mid to late 70's where the scene was born (The UK and on the East Coast of the US) are captured nicely in Don Letts' "Punk: Attitude". I won't bother you with a history lesson of punk rock. I could list a family tree of the essential players and their impact throughout the 80s and into Nirvana's reign, but if you are interested spend an hour and a half with this documentary. It's well worth the purchase, rental or NetFlix queue. More importantly to me this movie reinforced a question I've been asking for the last 5 years. "Where in the fuck is the punk rock attitude?"

Punk rock was not born without reason. Without spelling out a history lesson it's safe to argue that there has never been a better time than the present for a little punk rock spirit. It doesn't even need to be musical (but it would help). My wife is a high school English teacher and it shocks me to hear the attitudes of kids today. Most of these kids are robots for the Fox News/White House propaganda machine. Where are Elvis' hips? Jerry Lee Lewis' dry humping on a piano? Lenny Bruce's wit? Johnny Rotten's middle finger? Jello Biafra's Mayoral run? I see little or nothing today. I'm not talking about TPing the neighbors house, date rape, taking X, wearing black eye-liner, shoegazing, getting shitty grades, tagging and just being an asshole youth. I'm talking about questioning authority and thinking for yourself. Has Paris Hilton fucked up our youth to this extreme? Lyrically Green Day's "American Idiot" was a pretty good start but it was far from any kind of movement.

Let's face it, the heavy lifting of societal change has to come from our youth. I'm 39 years old trying to earn a living and make ends meet. I can't run around with my middle finger in the air anymore. I do what I can to impose...I mean express my views but I (we) could use a little help from the kids. Lastly, to all you thumpers out there I'd like to quote a line from one of your favorite books that is often ignored, "the meek shall inherit the earth". Look it up.

Where have you gone Jello Biafra, a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you.

A man in a bag is worth 4 in the eyes

2005-09-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....I just saw Miike's "Audition-The Director's Cut" (1999) and if you've seen the movie it makes the elongated title quite appropriate and somewhat funny. "Audition" is one of those films that when it ends I think to myself "Did I like that?" These types of movies usually stick in my brain and the answer is eventually that I in fact did like the film. This movie has been rolling around in my brain but I'm not sold on it, at least not yet.

The real mystery of this film is the dual conversations between the two principals of the film. We see the same scene but with completely different dialogue. One of which has to be fantasy and the other reality. The problem with the apparent hallucinations, visions and alternate dialogue of the lead is that there is no defining split between the two worlds. Is that a problem? I think it can be if you want your film to be given the esteem its obviously striving to achieve.

Some are easy to figure out. For example, he never actually went to her house and saw the "man in the bag". He never knew where she lived and the two places he visited for clues didn't offer any (the bar and the ballet studio). From the people he meets at those locations and listening to their testimonies must have led to his imaginary state of being in her apartment. The story of the missing record producer and the dissected bar owner lead him to that vision. An interesting clue might be the vision of seeing his dead wife at a restaraunt warning him about this mysterious woman. Was she trying to warn him in his dreams? Was all the alternate dialogue and visions coming from the grave? That's the best guess I have for the key to unlock this movie. At the end of the film, when his son pushes the woman down the stairs she says to the man with one foot, "I waited so long for you to call". Maybe he didn't? Maybe he did. That's where the film fails in my opinion.

The interesting thing about this film is that usually someone subjected to this type of cinematic punishment deserves it. You almost begin to cheer for that villian in some cases. The fact that the lead was a celibate widower for 7 years, a good father and friend, makes in doubly disturbing and Hitchcockian. You know, an "everyman" put in a F'd up situation to fend for himself. All in all, it's a flick worth seeing however frustrated it may make you. Then again, if you are a budding vivisectionist this just might hit the sweet spot.

A long time from now, in a galaxy right next door

2005-09-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

If a blogger posts from a forest (or a track home) and there is no one to read it, does it really count? I guess someday when I'm rich and famous like Corey Feldman I'll look back at this first post and hate myself for becoming such a sell out. At least I have that going for me.....which is nice.

In the meantime I'll be using this space as a pseudo-diary for the films I watch, both good and bad. Judging from the way Hollywood is churning out stinkers these days I hope it's not mainly the latter. Personally I prefer films that challenge me a bit but I see my share of "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back" films. They should stop messing around and just make a movie with that title. In addition to using my opposable digit to rate films I'll try and get into the deeper themes in films. I'll also offer humble opinions on how a movie could've been fixed to achieve greatness or at least better than the final product. My favorite example, if Brad Pitt shoots himself instead of Spacey at the end of "Seven" that movie moves up several notches my snobbish/know it all list of films. I guess he was just too dreamy to take that self-inflicted dirt nap.

Gotta go, my mom is calling me up from the basement to hose off the porch. At 400 lbs. it's tough to climb those stairs so I better pack some Ding-Dongs and Mountain Dew for the trip. I just hope I don't see any girls that could scare me and force me to fall down. How's that for a blogger stereotype?

I'll be back to talk to myself soon.